The sun was setting as Mei walked the streets of Beijing. Her bare feet were dirty and her hair was a mess. From a distance she heard her ‘auntie’ from her home, Jai Li, calling her name. Mei knew she was late for dinner, so she ran along the sidewalk towards the shelter.
“I’m sorry Auntie; I was just taking a walk.” She bowed past Jai Li and into the house where nine other children were waiting around the table.
“Mei, where’ve you been? You know we’re not allowed to start dinner ‘til everyone’s here,” a girl at the table said. Mei took a seat and the children began eating. Not long after, all ten girls were tucked into bed.
In the dark of her room that she shared with four other girls, Mei was thinking to herself. It’d only been 6 months since the war between China and the U.S. had ended, and although the Chinese won, there was still unimaginable damage done to the city and the country in general. Thousands of children had lost everything- from their home to their parents and there were more orphanages in China now that there were 50 years ago, when girls were unacceptable and the law was one child per family. A bevy of children lived in each house that was still standing, thus creating numerous orphanages. Mei was sixteen. She was a strong girl- personality wise, amicable and placid in the toughest of situations. She was independent, practically raising herself as her father served in the military and her mother was a high official in the Chinese government. When the war began the first building to get bombed by the U.S. was her mom's building. She didn't survive. When the war truly broke out, Mei was informed of her father’s death as well. The death of her parents was more unheralded than it should have been- the Chinese knew that the war was coming. Mei was sure she could take care of herself, but after 3 weeks on the ruined streets, she knew she needed to find someplace to at least stay. Her mother’s good friend, Jai Li, immediately took her in, along with 9 other girls who’d been orphaned after the war. And although Mei thought about her parents all the time, she couldn’t cry, ever. The death of her parents was a silent event in her life, past now, and she refused to look back. The girls in this orphanage were younger than her; she felt the need to be grateful that she was old enough to understand what had happened and move on from there; lucky that she wasn’t a poor nine year old girl who’d just lost the only family she’d ever had, for the rest of her life. Mei had decided that she would stay here with Jai Li to help with the girls for as long as she needed; after all, she owed her.
In the morning, Mei was awakened by the running of little feet all throughout the house and the bedroom. Mei groaned and stumbled down the stairs to see if breakfast needed to be made.
“‘Morning, Mei,” Jai Li said. “There’s a package for you.”
“What?” Mei said, rhetorically. She walked over to the tiny kitchen table and picked up a small brown box. To Mei, it was addressed, without a return address or name. Mei carefully lifted each of the flaps to reveal a paltry trinket- a jade dragon statue amidst the tissue paper filling the box. She lifted the tissue paper as well to find a letter.
Dear Mei,
We’re writing to you to ask if you would like to come to Michigan in America to live with us. We heard about your mother and father and after a lot of investigation we were able to find your location. We hear you are staying with a woman named Jai Li? We have sent her a personal letter concerning this situation and she also has received a return address and phone number as well. Please consider our offer, as it is our duty to take responsibility of you now.
Yours truly,
Aunt Julina and Uncle Matthew
Mei was hesitant the moment she began reading the letter. As she got to the end of it, she was more confused than ever. Where did this ‘aunt and uncle’ come from? Why did they suddenly care about her? How would she get to America? How is Jai Li going to respond? Did she even want to go and live with her ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’? Mei walked into the living room where Jai Li was; she had already read the letter she’d received. Jai Li looked up at the sound of Mei’s footsteps. She looked expectant.
“So… you’ve read the letter,” Jai Li said. Mei nodded.
“And?” Jai Li inquired. Mei shook her head and sat down beside her.
“I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this so-called family and I’ve never been far from home. I like staying here with you and the little girls, and… I’m scared to leave.” Jai Li contemplated the situation for a moment and looked to Mei.
She said, “Mei. You’re sixteen. You’ve been through a lot and I know that you’re comfortable here- you’re always welcome. But… just think… this could be a new experience for you, a chance to kind of start over completely. You could leave this place and get what you need as a young woman- you could have a family again. And you could take the time to figure out who you are.” Jai Li was sincere in her words.
“But, what about you? And the other girls… I couldn’t just leave.” Mei hoped to alleviate the stress from Jai Li in raising nine children; it was the least she could do.
But Jai Li shook her head and said, “Don’t worry about us. Help is on the way and besides; we’re doing just fine now. Go. Go and live your life.”
Mei was torn, but that afternoon, she walked down the street to the supermarket and used their payphone. She dialed the numbers, hands shaking, and asked for “Miss Julina”.
“Hello?”
“Hello… Aunt… Julina? This is Mei.” There was a slight pause at the other end of the line before Mei’s ears exploded with the sound of her Aunt’s exclamation.
“Oh my! Darling, I knew you’d call. Will you come?”
Mei sighed deeply and said confidently, “Yes. I will.”
That night, Mei packed her bags as Jai Li went to the post office to pick up the tickets that’d been sent in advance. Three days later, Mei was on a plane, for the first time ever, on her way to a country across the sea. Her mind was so cluttered with thoughts and emotions, but she did not show it. She just smiled and waved at the passengers nearby.
It took twelve full hours to get from China to the United States. Around 1 a.m., Mei woke up feeling as if she were flying out of her seat. She thought it could be motion sickness but as she woke entirely, she recognized screaming and announcements over the intercom. She was being told by the flight attendant to put on her oxygen mask- the plane was going down. She didn't comprehend at first, but when she realized what was happening, her first thoughts were, We are all going to die. She reluctantly put on the mask, trying to calm herself as her whole body shook with fear. She sat in her seat the way the rest of the passengers sat, although most had family, children, or loved ones to comfort or say goodbyes to. She had no one. But it’s good that I’m not saying a final goodbye like the rest of them, she thought. I’ve already said goodbye to ones I love most.
The plane was descending. And no one could do anything about it. The pilot’s voice was attempting to be soothing over the intercom, but still women and children screamed and men were solemn with silent tears. Mei could feel the plane being navigated through the air- but its speed was irrevocable. She gasped as an acute pain shot through her head and her ears popped so she could barely hear anything. All the passengers braced themselves for the impact of the water. Some held themselves tightly against their own seats, hands on the armrests, and some hugged the back of the seat in front of them- Mei was frozen. There was a sudden crash, an effluvia, and a bounce; Mei fell to the floor and held on for dear life. The plane was filled with screams and shouts, but Mei tuned them out. She was going to die.
“Hello there. Are you awake?” A soft hand brushed Mei’s hair away from her face. She blinked, slowly, as her eyes darted around, trying to figure out where she was. She tried to sit up, but couldn’t get the strength. So she just lay there, breathing. Mei closed her eyes again for a while.
A little while later, she didn’t know how long, she was awakened by little feet and concerned voices. Why didn’t Jai Li wake me? Mei thought. But as she really opened her eyes, she remembered she was not at Jai Li’s home. The gears were turning in her head as she recalled the details of her life. The war was over. Her mother was dead. Her father was dead. Jai Li had taken her in. She’d received a letter. She had boarded a plane. And then the plane crashed.
She took a moment to look up, and found herself staring into the eyes of the boy whose hand had brushed her face earlier and whose hands were holding her head now. She didn't bother asking who he was, just gave him a curious, questioning glance. He cleared his throat and said, "Uh... hi. I'm... Greg.”
“What’s going on? Where am I?” Mei asked.
“Well. Firstly, who are you?” Greg asked.
“I’m Mei.”
“Hello Mei. We’re in a small county next to Sacramento, California called Redwood County. We’re at the recreation center. Your plane that crashed… few survived; as it hit the water, most of it was anulled, and you were a lucky one.” As Mei processed what Greg had told her, a nurse walked over. Greg helped her sit up. She immediately noticed the families disseminated around the room.
“She woke up, hmm?” The nurse glanced at Mei. Greg nodded. She turned to Mei and said, “What’s your name?”
“Mei.”
“Well, Mei, we had you checked and you’ve got a minor concussion- but you should be alright. Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you or if something feels wrong or bad. You were so lucky to have such a minor injury.”
Still mulling over the information, Mei stumbled getting up. Greg held her by the arm and said, “Careful, it’s been awhile since you last stood up- and the plane crash didn’t help.” Mei was on her feet at this point and said, “I need some air.” She looked around for an exit to the large room that she now noticed was full of people on makeshift beds and medics walking around. The nurse nodded to Greg and Greg said calmly, “Would you like me to take you for a short walk?” Mei, without thinking, nodded.
“So. You’re from… China?” Greg asked Mei. The two were walking through an arboreal park just across the way from the recreation center of the town. The sun was out, as it was midday, and the air was gentle and refreshing- just what Mei needed. They walked slowly down a small path through the trees and small clearings. Mei, still slightly unsteady, kept a hand on Greg’s arm just in case, and he walked beside her, asking questions.
“Yes.”
“And you speak fluent English?”
“It become mandatory when I was in the fifth grade to learn the English language. So… yeah, I speak English.” There was a moment of silence, which was nice because neither of them needed to say anything.
“Were you… affected…by the recent war?” Greg asked, hoping he wouldn’t offend her. Mei was quiet for a moment, not because she was offended, but because she was trying to remember, again, what’d happened.
“Yes. My parents died. And… I’m going to Michigan because my relatives that I’ve never heard of or met wrote to me so I could live with them.” Greg did not know what to say, so neither of them said anything else.
They sat at a park bench and just looked around, admiring the random cumulus and cirrus clouds in the otherwise clear blue sky. Mei had never been in America before. Although the park was nothing extraordinary, Mei was grateful for a moment to just sit back and feel the moment- along with realizing what was happening in her life. The blades of grass swayed as the breeze picked up and gave Mei goose bumps on her arms. The sun was blinding and finally Greg said, “Do you want to head back?” Mei nodded silently and they started towards the building again.
“I’m not sure what we’re going to do,” the nurse was saying to Greg, “We don’t exactly have a place for her to go right now. The other people have family nearby or someone with them, but she doesn’t.” Mei overheard the whispering conversation in the hall as she sat in the room that she’d first woken up in. A few minutes later, Greg reappeared in the room with the nurse.
“Mei, right?” the nurse said. Mei nodded. “Hi. We’re not sure where to send you right now, dear, we can’t get you on any flights right now to where it is you need to go… so Greg’s family has offered to let you stay for the night or until we make arrangements- his father is the mayor of this county and they have a daughter whom you can room with and such.” Because she barely had a choice, Mei was grateful for Greg's benevolence and agreed to head home with Greg.
Being 17, Greg had a license and was able to drive Mei all of three miles to get to his house. Although brief, the ride was quiet and a couple of times Greg looked in Mei’s direction because she was so quiet. When they arrived at a small, white ranch on a simple street, Greg and Mei were greeted at the door by Greg’s parents. Mei was escorted to Greg’s younger sister, Mary’s, room and was asleep before she knew it.
Morning came quickly and Mei woke automatically at 7:30 am. The family was in the kitchen.
“So, Mei, we got your information from the airport about your flights and where you were heading after you landed in California. Unfortunately, the soonest flight we could get to Michigan isn’t until tomorrow morning. So… I assume you’ll spend another night with us, if that’s all right with you. It’s certainly alright with us.” Mei nodded to the man, assuming it was Greg's father, who was giving information and the offer. Greg was sitting at the table with his family- the four of them smiled at her. “Um. Sure. That sounds… very nice. Thank you for your hospitality,” she said politely. She shared an interesting, unfamiliar, meal of pancakes for breakfast. She hung around in the kitchen while Greg did the dishes because Mary had disappeared. Also, she had overheard his parents telling him to take care of her for the day as they headed off to work.
The next morning, Mei had said goodbye the Greg’s family and hello to the flight attendants on the plane to Michigan. The entire plane ride she felt sick to her stomach with motion sickness and paranoia, but washed away the nausea with thoughts of her new family she was going to meet.
“We are preparing for landing- please turn off all electronics and be sure that your seat belts are fastened,” the pilot said.
Here is where I will call home, Mei said to herself as she exited the plane and entered the Detroit airport. Soon after, she was greeted by a young man and woman who recognized her. She’d been through a lot already, but by now, Mei knew she could embrace anything that life threw at her.
“I’m sorry Auntie; I was just taking a walk.” She bowed past Jai Li and into the house where nine other children were waiting around the table.
“Mei, where’ve you been? You know we’re not allowed to start dinner ‘til everyone’s here,” a girl at the table said. Mei took a seat and the children began eating. Not long after, all ten girls were tucked into bed.
In the dark of her room that she shared with four other girls, Mei was thinking to herself. It’d only been 6 months since the war between China and the U.S. had ended, and although the Chinese won, there was still unimaginable damage done to the city and the country in general. Thousands of children had lost everything- from their home to their parents and there were more orphanages in China now that there were 50 years ago, when girls were unacceptable and the law was one child per family. A bevy of children lived in each house that was still standing, thus creating numerous orphanages. Mei was sixteen. She was a strong girl- personality wise, amicable and placid in the toughest of situations. She was independent, practically raising herself as her father served in the military and her mother was a high official in the Chinese government. When the war began the first building to get bombed by the U.S. was her mom's building. She didn't survive. When the war truly broke out, Mei was informed of her father’s death as well. The death of her parents was more unheralded than it should have been- the Chinese knew that the war was coming. Mei was sure she could take care of herself, but after 3 weeks on the ruined streets, she knew she needed to find someplace to at least stay. Her mother’s good friend, Jai Li, immediately took her in, along with 9 other girls who’d been orphaned after the war. And although Mei thought about her parents all the time, she couldn’t cry, ever. The death of her parents was a silent event in her life, past now, and she refused to look back. The girls in this orphanage were younger than her; she felt the need to be grateful that she was old enough to understand what had happened and move on from there; lucky that she wasn’t a poor nine year old girl who’d just lost the only family she’d ever had, for the rest of her life. Mei had decided that she would stay here with Jai Li to help with the girls for as long as she needed; after all, she owed her.
In the morning, Mei was awakened by the running of little feet all throughout the house and the bedroom. Mei groaned and stumbled down the stairs to see if breakfast needed to be made.
“‘Morning, Mei,” Jai Li said. “There’s a package for you.”
“What?” Mei said, rhetorically. She walked over to the tiny kitchen table and picked up a small brown box. To Mei, it was addressed, without a return address or name. Mei carefully lifted each of the flaps to reveal a paltry trinket- a jade dragon statue amidst the tissue paper filling the box. She lifted the tissue paper as well to find a letter.
Dear Mei,
We’re writing to you to ask if you would like to come to Michigan in America to live with us. We heard about your mother and father and after a lot of investigation we were able to find your location. We hear you are staying with a woman named Jai Li? We have sent her a personal letter concerning this situation and she also has received a return address and phone number as well. Please consider our offer, as it is our duty to take responsibility of you now.
Yours truly,
Aunt Julina and Uncle Matthew
Mei was hesitant the moment she began reading the letter. As she got to the end of it, she was more confused than ever. Where did this ‘aunt and uncle’ come from? Why did they suddenly care about her? How would she get to America? How is Jai Li going to respond? Did she even want to go and live with her ‘aunt’ and ‘uncle’? Mei walked into the living room where Jai Li was; she had already read the letter she’d received. Jai Li looked up at the sound of Mei’s footsteps. She looked expectant.
“So… you’ve read the letter,” Jai Li said. Mei nodded.
“And?” Jai Li inquired. Mei shook her head and sat down beside her.
“I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this so-called family and I’ve never been far from home. I like staying here with you and the little girls, and… I’m scared to leave.” Jai Li contemplated the situation for a moment and looked to Mei.
She said, “Mei. You’re sixteen. You’ve been through a lot and I know that you’re comfortable here- you’re always welcome. But… just think… this could be a new experience for you, a chance to kind of start over completely. You could leave this place and get what you need as a young woman- you could have a family again. And you could take the time to figure out who you are.” Jai Li was sincere in her words.
“But, what about you? And the other girls… I couldn’t just leave.” Mei hoped to alleviate the stress from Jai Li in raising nine children; it was the least she could do.
But Jai Li shook her head and said, “Don’t worry about us. Help is on the way and besides; we’re doing just fine now. Go. Go and live your life.”
Mei was torn, but that afternoon, she walked down the street to the supermarket and used their payphone. She dialed the numbers, hands shaking, and asked for “Miss Julina”.
“Hello?”
“Hello… Aunt… Julina? This is Mei.” There was a slight pause at the other end of the line before Mei’s ears exploded with the sound of her Aunt’s exclamation.
“Oh my! Darling, I knew you’d call. Will you come?”
Mei sighed deeply and said confidently, “Yes. I will.”
That night, Mei packed her bags as Jai Li went to the post office to pick up the tickets that’d been sent in advance. Three days later, Mei was on a plane, for the first time ever, on her way to a country across the sea. Her mind was so cluttered with thoughts and emotions, but she did not show it. She just smiled and waved at the passengers nearby.
It took twelve full hours to get from China to the United States. Around 1 a.m., Mei woke up feeling as if she were flying out of her seat. She thought it could be motion sickness but as she woke entirely, she recognized screaming and announcements over the intercom. She was being told by the flight attendant to put on her oxygen mask- the plane was going down. She didn't comprehend at first, but when she realized what was happening, her first thoughts were, We are all going to die. She reluctantly put on the mask, trying to calm herself as her whole body shook with fear. She sat in her seat the way the rest of the passengers sat, although most had family, children, or loved ones to comfort or say goodbyes to. She had no one. But it’s good that I’m not saying a final goodbye like the rest of them, she thought. I’ve already said goodbye to ones I love most.
The plane was descending. And no one could do anything about it. The pilot’s voice was attempting to be soothing over the intercom, but still women and children screamed and men were solemn with silent tears. Mei could feel the plane being navigated through the air- but its speed was irrevocable. She gasped as an acute pain shot through her head and her ears popped so she could barely hear anything. All the passengers braced themselves for the impact of the water. Some held themselves tightly against their own seats, hands on the armrests, and some hugged the back of the seat in front of them- Mei was frozen. There was a sudden crash, an effluvia, and a bounce; Mei fell to the floor and held on for dear life. The plane was filled with screams and shouts, but Mei tuned them out. She was going to die.
“Hello there. Are you awake?” A soft hand brushed Mei’s hair away from her face. She blinked, slowly, as her eyes darted around, trying to figure out where she was. She tried to sit up, but couldn’t get the strength. So she just lay there, breathing. Mei closed her eyes again for a while.
A little while later, she didn’t know how long, she was awakened by little feet and concerned voices. Why didn’t Jai Li wake me? Mei thought. But as she really opened her eyes, she remembered she was not at Jai Li’s home. The gears were turning in her head as she recalled the details of her life. The war was over. Her mother was dead. Her father was dead. Jai Li had taken her in. She’d received a letter. She had boarded a plane. And then the plane crashed.
She took a moment to look up, and found herself staring into the eyes of the boy whose hand had brushed her face earlier and whose hands were holding her head now. She didn't bother asking who he was, just gave him a curious, questioning glance. He cleared his throat and said, "Uh... hi. I'm... Greg.”
“What’s going on? Where am I?” Mei asked.
“Well. Firstly, who are you?” Greg asked.
“I’m Mei.”
“Hello Mei. We’re in a small county next to Sacramento, California called Redwood County. We’re at the recreation center. Your plane that crashed… few survived; as it hit the water, most of it was anulled, and you were a lucky one.” As Mei processed what Greg had told her, a nurse walked over. Greg helped her sit up. She immediately noticed the families disseminated around the room.
“She woke up, hmm?” The nurse glanced at Mei. Greg nodded. She turned to Mei and said, “What’s your name?”
“Mei.”
“Well, Mei, we had you checked and you’ve got a minor concussion- but you should be alright. Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you or if something feels wrong or bad. You were so lucky to have such a minor injury.”
Still mulling over the information, Mei stumbled getting up. Greg held her by the arm and said, “Careful, it’s been awhile since you last stood up- and the plane crash didn’t help.” Mei was on her feet at this point and said, “I need some air.” She looked around for an exit to the large room that she now noticed was full of people on makeshift beds and medics walking around. The nurse nodded to Greg and Greg said calmly, “Would you like me to take you for a short walk?” Mei, without thinking, nodded.
“So. You’re from… China?” Greg asked Mei. The two were walking through an arboreal park just across the way from the recreation center of the town. The sun was out, as it was midday, and the air was gentle and refreshing- just what Mei needed. They walked slowly down a small path through the trees and small clearings. Mei, still slightly unsteady, kept a hand on Greg’s arm just in case, and he walked beside her, asking questions.
“Yes.”
“And you speak fluent English?”
“It become mandatory when I was in the fifth grade to learn the English language. So… yeah, I speak English.” There was a moment of silence, which was nice because neither of them needed to say anything.
“Were you… affected…by the recent war?” Greg asked, hoping he wouldn’t offend her. Mei was quiet for a moment, not because she was offended, but because she was trying to remember, again, what’d happened.
“Yes. My parents died. And… I’m going to Michigan because my relatives that I’ve never heard of or met wrote to me so I could live with them.” Greg did not know what to say, so neither of them said anything else.
They sat at a park bench and just looked around, admiring the random cumulus and cirrus clouds in the otherwise clear blue sky. Mei had never been in America before. Although the park was nothing extraordinary, Mei was grateful for a moment to just sit back and feel the moment- along with realizing what was happening in her life. The blades of grass swayed as the breeze picked up and gave Mei goose bumps on her arms. The sun was blinding and finally Greg said, “Do you want to head back?” Mei nodded silently and they started towards the building again.
“I’m not sure what we’re going to do,” the nurse was saying to Greg, “We don’t exactly have a place for her to go right now. The other people have family nearby or someone with them, but she doesn’t.” Mei overheard the whispering conversation in the hall as she sat in the room that she’d first woken up in. A few minutes later, Greg reappeared in the room with the nurse.
“Mei, right?” the nurse said. Mei nodded. “Hi. We’re not sure where to send you right now, dear, we can’t get you on any flights right now to where it is you need to go… so Greg’s family has offered to let you stay for the night or until we make arrangements- his father is the mayor of this county and they have a daughter whom you can room with and such.” Because she barely had a choice, Mei was grateful for Greg's benevolence and agreed to head home with Greg.
Being 17, Greg had a license and was able to drive Mei all of three miles to get to his house. Although brief, the ride was quiet and a couple of times Greg looked in Mei’s direction because she was so quiet. When they arrived at a small, white ranch on a simple street, Greg and Mei were greeted at the door by Greg’s parents. Mei was escorted to Greg’s younger sister, Mary’s, room and was asleep before she knew it.
Morning came quickly and Mei woke automatically at 7:30 am. The family was in the kitchen.
“So, Mei, we got your information from the airport about your flights and where you were heading after you landed in California. Unfortunately, the soonest flight we could get to Michigan isn’t until tomorrow morning. So… I assume you’ll spend another night with us, if that’s all right with you. It’s certainly alright with us.” Mei nodded to the man, assuming it was Greg's father, who was giving information and the offer. Greg was sitting at the table with his family- the four of them smiled at her. “Um. Sure. That sounds… very nice. Thank you for your hospitality,” she said politely. She shared an interesting, unfamiliar, meal of pancakes for breakfast. She hung around in the kitchen while Greg did the dishes because Mary had disappeared. Also, she had overheard his parents telling him to take care of her for the day as they headed off to work.
The next morning, Mei had said goodbye the Greg’s family and hello to the flight attendants on the plane to Michigan. The entire plane ride she felt sick to her stomach with motion sickness and paranoia, but washed away the nausea with thoughts of her new family she was going to meet.
“We are preparing for landing- please turn off all electronics and be sure that your seat belts are fastened,” the pilot said.
Here is where I will call home, Mei said to herself as she exited the plane and entered the Detroit airport. Soon after, she was greeted by a young man and woman who recognized her. She’d been through a lot already, but by now, Mei knew she could embrace anything that life threw at her.
9 comments:
Jiayin, first of all, I feel very accomplished after finishing that story, it was very long, but very good too.
The conflict of the story is when Mei is trying to recover emotionally from the war against the U.S. It was an internal conflict. It is resolved when she meets a boy and then her aunt and uncle. At first I was into the conflict a lot, but then it kept dragging on. Don't get me wrong, it is a great story, but to make it more dramatic, you could make it shorter, I mean 2,700 words, come on!
The protagonist goes from a shy and scarred (emotionally) person to a happy, willing to open up person. After the plane crash, she is willing to take on anything. It shows how people change after a dramatic event. If the character didn't change, the story would be longer and probably boring.
My favorite part of the story was the plane crash. It was the climax, because it was the point of highest dramatic tension, and you didn’t know what would happen next. You didn’t know if Mei and the other passengers would die or survive and I wanted to keep reading (and I did 2700 words). “Mei woke up feeling as if she were flying out of her seat. She thought it could be motion sickness but as she woke entirely, she recognized screaming and announcements over the intercom. She was being told by the flight attendant to put on her oxygen mask- the plane was going down. We’re all going to die, she thought.” I liked the description and how realistic this part was.
I thought that the dialogue was the stories best quality. It really helps to develop and describe each character in the story. This quote shows how Mei is a sweet, sensitive person who puts other people before herself.” “But, what about you? And the 9 other girls… I couldn’t just leave.” “.
The stories theme is probably patience is a virtue. The Jiayin shows how Mei really has nothing after the war and has to live with many other girls like her. She waits forever and gets a call from her Aunt and Uncle saying that she can come to America. She does, but before she does she meets a boy. She leaves him and his family, lives with her Aunt and Uncle and lives happily ever after.
Jiayin definitely has to shorten the story. I mean a lot of the details are good, but others are unneeded. Other than that, the story is very good, WELL DONE JIAYIN.
YES, FIRST TO COMMENT
haha good job will. and thanks. im actually rewriting the story- in first person point of view and eliminating the ending section with the family so... hopefully that'll improve it. =]
Wow Jiayin, your story is really good. I read your author’s notes and maybe you could shorten your story by saying less about Greg. It seemed like he was going to be a big part of the story, but then Mei left and he wasn’t mentioned again.
There are many conflicts- internal and external. A) Mei is an orphan B) should she move to America C) her plane is crashing etc. I got really into the story and it was very dramatic. I think that they were all resolved in a logical way.
Your character changes because she has so many difficult decisions to make and they will all have such a big impact on her life. Not many sixteen year olds have to do that, and I think your descriptions were an accurate guess of how a teenager would react.
Best part? The whole thing! Your story was so well written and descriptive, I can’t pick out just one ‘best’ thing.
I think the theme is that you can do pull through anything, no matter how bad your circumstances are, so you shouldn’t give up.
I think the only thing you need to work on is shortening it a little. Otherwise great story. Two thumbs up!
1.) One of the main conflicts in the story is when Mei's "family" writes to Mei after her parent's death, and they invite her to come live in America with them. Mei has to choose between staying in China or moving to America. There is also an internal conflict occurring throughout the story, with Mie trying to overcome all of the struggles of loosing her parents in the war, and by having nto overcome the trauma of her plane crashing as she was coming to America. But with all of these conflicts, I was totally satisfied with each of them. I thought they were presented and solved very well,a nd they kept me interested in the story. I thoguht the story was already very dramatic, and that's what made it so great right off the bat!
2.) Mei changes over the course of the story in a big way. At the beginning, she is still very upset about loosing her parents, and she almost seems afraid to accept their death and to move on in her life. But after the plane crash and everything adds to her outlook on everything, she then realizes that everything works out in life eventually, and that after everything is over and done with, she's going to be okay. I think that her character development made the story, and without it, it probably would have ended very differently!
3.) My favorite part of the story was during the climax, when Mei's plane was beginning to crash. My favorite line from the story actually came from this section;
"She sat in her seat the way the rest of the passengers sat, although most had family, children, or loved ones to comfort or say goodbyes to. She had no one. But it’s good that I’m not saying a final goodbye like the rest of them, she thought, because I’ve already said goodbye to ones I love most."
This was a very powerful line, and I think it ended the climax very well, and it kept the story moving along.
4.) I believe that the story' description is its best quality. There was good description everywhere, and it made the story really seem like it had come to life. Everything from settings to the characters, it was all very descriptive...which is why it was probably so long!
5.) The theme of the story is that tehre are always ones who love you, and that you should learn to accept thing in life, because everything happens for a reason. I also think that the story premotes a message that you should really be thankful for the life you have, because it could all change in the b link of an eye.
6.) Okay, like I said at practice, VERY LONG!! (:
It was a really amazing story, but I think we should keep it a SHORT story, because they are what we're writing after all! (:
But other than that, there were no spelling oor grammer mistakes, and I thoguht that you did a very good job with it!
YAY JIAYIN!! (: lol
I. The conflict was that Mei had lost both her parents and did not really have a real family.It was both internal and external because she was trying to get over the tragedy herself and she was also trying to find somewehere to live. It was resolved when she toook a plane to America and met the boy. (ooh la laa! :] ) I think the story was veryy dramatic with teh plabe crash and alll. :]
II Mei changed over the story because in the beginnning, she was not very happy. BOth her parents were dead and she had to cope with it. IN the end, she had met the guyy and that made her happier, especially when she found her new family! Her development kind of started when she met the guy (i kinda forgot his name tho...lol) . I think it kinda made her happier and feel that america actaully had SOME hospitable bpeiple.
III. My favorite part of the story was when they were on the plane and it was begining to catch fire. It was probabaly the climax.My favoret line was: "She sat in her seat the way the rest of the passengers sat, although most had family, children, or loved ones to comfort or say goodbyes to. She had no one. But it’s good that I’m not saying a final goodbye like the rest of them, she thought, because I’ve already said goodbye to ones I love most." I really liked that because she was showing taht she really didnt care if she lived or died because she thought that no one would miss her. This was not true though because there werre peopel taht cafred.:]
IV. I think the best quality was the rising actions. You used a lotttt of description and i really l;iekd it! :] You made a lot happen and i think it was all really necessary to teh storyy.
V.The theme would prorbaly be something like "be persistent and always keep going no matter what hapens". She grows thorugth teh story because shes liek saddissh in teh beginning but feels liek peopel care about heer and love hieer in teh end.
VI. Before mr. bg reads this i think you need to add the 14 words if theyre not there subtly. lol and you need to fix a few things...first: "The first building to get bombed by the U.S. was the one in which Mei’s mother worked. When the war truly broke out, Mei was informed of her father’s death as well."...before i read teh second sentence, i wasnt sure if her mothed got out alive or if she was killed. and also i think you need to fix the conversation between the nurse and the guy becasue i wasnt sure who was whoo. :] but i love you soososososososososososososos muchh and your story as greatttt! :]
ps i told mr bg to look forward to reading your storyy! lol <334
Hey Jiayin,
That was a really great short story!!
I) the conflict of the story is that Mei lived in a small house with 9 small girls after both of her parents died in the war. It was an external conflict that was resolved when she got the letter from her aunt and uncle who lived in America. I was very invested in the conflict and I really felt the worry and the debt that Mei felt towards Jai Li. I don't think that you could make it much more dramatic than it already is.
II) Mei changes over time because in the beginning her biggest struggle is living with 9 small girls in one house, and her parent's deaths, but those things had prepared her for the plane crash so that she could keep control of herself so that she could have a better chance of survival. Her great insight is that she can look back at her parent's death to tell about it and deal with it instead of pushing it away and ignoring the fact that they're gone. I think that this change is important to the story because it makes it so she has less to suffer for. If this change hadn't been made I think that she would’ve been unhappy.
III) My favorite part of the story was when Mei was talking to Greg about her parent's because that's when she realized that she can think of them and it's ok to hurt because death is a painful thing to deal with. It happened in the falling action. “Yes. My parents died. And… I’m going to Michigan because my relatives that I’ve never heard of or met wrote to me so I could live with them.” Greg was speechless, so neither of them said anything else." This is my favorite line because it is where she talks about her parent's and remembers them.
IV) This tale's best quality is its plot because it kept me interested throughout the story and made me want to read further and further to find out what would happen next.
V)I think that the story's theme is when you think you have nothing left something/someone will find you and help you through the toughest of tough times. I think in the beginning Mei thinks that the rest of her life will be spent helping Jia Li with the 9 small girls and raising them. Throughout the story she sees that there is something else out in the world for her and her life is what she makes it.
VI) I think that it is a great story and no revision or editing is needed.
I. The conflict was that Mei had lost both her parents and did not really have a real family.It was internal because she was trying to get over the tragedy herself. It was resolved when she took a plane to America and met the boy. I think the story was veryy dramatic because of the plane crash.
II Mei changed over the story because in the beginnning, she was not very happy. Both of her parents were dead. However at the end she met a guy along with a family. Her development kind of started when she met the guy. It mad her happier
III. My favorite part of the story was when they were on the plane and it was begining to catch fire. .My favoret line was: "She sat in her seat the way the rest of the passengers sat, although most had family, children, or loved ones to comfort or say goodbyes to. She had no one. But it’s good that I’m not saying a final goodbye like the rest of them, she thought, because I’ve already said goodbye to ones I love most."It was a very dramatic point. I really liked that because she was showing taht she really didnt care if she lived or died because she thought that no one would miss her.
IV. I think the best quality was description. You made the story really believeable.
V.The theme would be dont give up, and be persistant to achieve what you want
Post a Comment